Wedding vs Elopement

Planning Resources
Written By Cass | Wedding & Elopement Photographer
 

SHOULD YOU ELOPE OR HAVE A BIG WEDDING?

This article is everything you need to know about an elopement vs a wedding, plus the pros and cons of each. I’m gonna be honest with y’all, I tried to write this as unbiased as possible, but I do believe wholeheartedly in an intentional wedding day experience that’s focused on you the couple, so it might be a little weighted on the pro-elopement and intimate wedding spectrum. 

That being said, you deserve a wedding day experience that you’re truly excited about. Big picture, I don’t believe there is any one perfect way to get married and one is not better than the other, I think they are just very different. It's up to you to do what feels right for your day, no matter what anyone (this article included) has to say about it!

WHAT IS AN ELOPEMENT AND WHAT IS A WEDDING?

Before we can compare the differences between the two, we need to first define what each type of wedding day is. For this, I will actually take it a step further and define what an elopement is, what an intimate wedding is, what a traditional wedding is as well as what an adventure wedding is.

This definition varies depending on who you're asking but, in my opinion, an elopement is an intentional way to get married, where the focus is celebrating your relationship in an authentic-to-you way. Elopement weddings are truly limitless, you get to decide the who, what, where and when of the beginning of your marriage!

Whereas, a wedding is more of a scripted day with a big party and focused on your guests, hosted at a venue. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still a celebration for you two and your commitment, the whole focus of the day just tends to be more about your guests comfort and expectations, as well as incorporating wedding traditions.

Both ways end in you committing your lives together. It’s the overall experience, journey and focus of the day that really makes weddings vs elopements so incredibly different.

PROS AND CONS OF WEDDING VS ELOPING

Here is the short and sweet versions, if you want to read more details, scroll to the lists below this pros and cons list.

Elopement Wedding Pros/Cons List

Pros

  • Less stress

  • More cost effective

  • All inclusive package options

  • Non-traditional experience

  • More intimate

  • ‘Just us’ experience

  • More wedding ceremony location options

  • 100% focused on your relationship

  • Safe place to be yourselves

  • No outside input/opinions 

  • Can be a whole week or weekend experience

Cons

  • Limited guest lists

  • Family feeling left out

  • FOMO

  • Less in-person support

  • For some this may feel like a “less than experience”

  • Less guidance on what to do

Big Traditional Wedding Pros/Cons List

Pros

  • Biggest party of your life 

  • Celebrating the day with your whole family

  • Creating a unique experience for your guests

  • Fulfilling a childhood or societal dream

  • You're the center of the whole day

  • More support on the day

  • Sharing this experience with your community

Cons

  • Higher Cost

  • Losing sight of what the day is really about

  • Family drama

  • Input/opinions from others

  • Pressure for perfection

  • Settling on details

  • More planning and logistics

  • Adhering to traditions you may not care about

  • Single day

DEEP DIVE INTO ELOPEMENT VS WEDDING

These are mutual exclusive, meaning I will only be writing from the perspective of the pros of eloping versus hosting a big wedding, and if it’s a pro for eloping, its a con of a bigger wedding.

STRESS

Choosing to elope is such a relief for couples. I hear from many of my couples that they were so stressed out planning all-the-things for a big wedding and the insane costs that come along with hosting a huge 200+ person event. So, when they finally made the decision to elope instead, it was like a huge weight was lifted and they could actually start to get excited for their wedding day again.

Eloping allows you to make the calls, if you want to focus on the experience of just you and your partner, or if you want to invite a couple people to support you, or if you want to hop on a plane and explore a new country for your wedding day — you can literally do whatever you want — limitless options and a heck of a lot less stress because you’re doing what you WANT instead of what you SHOULD do!

COST

Okay, I was a traditional wedding photographer for over a decade and I remember the first time a couple told me their venue cost was 10k — I was like, “umm, WHAT, it’s a barn tho?!” This venue here in the Midwest is very sought after and typically booked out 2-3 years in advance because it’s so picturesque and all that. BUT it really doesn’t come with much, you’re basically just paying for the barn and location. So here me out, what if you could save that 10k for your future, or take a bomb-ass trip somewhere for your honeymoon or the elopement wedding itself — or BOTH!

What would you do with an extra 10.7k (the average cost of a wedding venue in the US according to The Knot).

Note — this is just for the venue, not even the 200+ guests plates of food at dinner, table and chair rentals, appetizers, drinks, shuttles, hotel blocks, centerpieces, floral, etc. The average cost of a big ol’ wedding in 2021 was 28k, according to The Knot. While the average cost of an elopement various A LOT depending on the experience you’re looking for but can range from $200-$16k.

AVERAGE COST OF A WEDDING VS ELOPEMENT

Let’s break that down even more (note, these don’t directly add up to the total averages — not all weddings and elopements will have everything on the list and vary depending on location and the specific vendors they choose!):

Average Costs of A Wedding:

2022 $30,000
2023 $29,000
2024 $33,000

Photographer $6,000

Videographer $2,000

Wedding attire $3,000

Venue $10,700

DJ / Band $4,300

Officiant $500

Flowers $2,300

Hair and Make Up $400

Catering $10,000 (75 per person)

Cake $500

Favors $450

Wedding/Event Planner $1,700

Travel and Accommodations $800

Average Cost of An Elopement:

2023 $16,000
2024 $11,667-$17,048

Photographer $6,000

Videographer $2,000

Wedding attire $3,000

Wedding ceremony permit $150

Officiant $500

Flowers $500

Hair and Make Up $400

Food for Guests (if you’re having guests) $500

Cake/desserts $200

Event Planner *optional (most elopement photographers serve as planners) $2,000

Travel and Accommodation $2,000

Depending on how you choose to elope can dictate how much money you save, but basically you’re paying half the price of a traditional wedding with 200+ guests and getting to do so much more.

The cost of your wedding day doesn’t represent the value of it either. I know a lot of people believe the more you spend on something, the better it is, but I think we are all starting to realize that may be true for some things like electronics or airbnb’s, but it’s not always true with experiences. Like getting married for example — in my opinion, you can get WAY more value out of being intentional on how you get married, while also saving some money for your future together (or going all out and having a bougie once-in-a-lifetime wedding day experience with the extra money!)

EXPERIENCE

Experience is everything. Life’s little and big moments are what we all crave, value, cherish and remember throughout our lives. We don’t remember the THINGS as much as the MEMORIES!

Have you ever been on an adventure or trip with someone you care about and thought to yourself something like, “this is it, this is what life is about, right here, right now!”! Creating core memories with people is what so many of us crave in life. So why not try and create that same kind of experience on your wedding day? Do what you love, be with the person (or people) you love most and get married your way!

So the biggest difference, in my opinion, between the experience of eloping vs a wedding is hard to sum up in one sentence, there are some striking differences. My time as a large guest wedding photographer I noticed the day of was fast paced, stressful, scripted, guest focused and somewhat of a carbon copy of the wedding I photographed the weekend before. Often upon delivery of the gallery to the couple I would here things like, “Oh my gosh, I don’t even remember that happening — the day was such a blur”. There simply isn’t enough time in the day to include all the events of a big wedding without there being strict timelines that don’t really include enough time to do those things, so if the tiniest thing gets delayed (which always happens) the rest of the day is all stress as everyone tries to play catch-up and its a whole lot of rushing around from one thing to another.

Whereas, an elopement wedding experience is unique to the couple, I have yet to document two exact elopement days. They are typically more relaxed, low-stress, go with the flow, adventurous, and basically unscripted (there’s usually a timeline to keep things moving, but it’s more of a guideline). When delivering a gallery to a couple that eloped I ofter hear things like, “Honey — remember this! Ah, it was the BEST DAY EVER!” And while there can be some rushing to make sunset at a cool spot, the day is basically a whatever happens, happens, we’re gonna make the best of whatever comes our way kinda vibe!

FOCUS

Another big difference between a wedding and elopement is the focus of the day.

A traditional wedding is typically very focused on family, religious, societal traditions and the attending guests.

Where an elopement is typically focused on the celebrating the couple and their commitment to each other.

CHOICES

The freedom of choice — something you don’t always have with a traditional wedding. Because a big wedding requires more planning, structure and time you don’t always have the ability to have your “dream wedding” plan out maybe how you had hoped. Some venues for example have guest limits, or sound restrictions that you can’t have a DJ and are only allowed to have a silent disco. Or because you don’t have unlimited time during the day, you may not be able to have even 30 mins alone with your partner the day of to just be together.

Eloping with smaller guest lists (or none) opens up a whole lot of options and choices of what is realistic for your wedding day. It’s a lot easier to get your 10 closest people to hop on a plane and fly across the country with you and all stay in a big Airbnb together and adventure for a week vs a whole 200+ wedding guest list! As well as the actual place you want to get married, for example, if you’re dreaming of a National Park Wedding, most limit your guest size to 30 people or less (and sometimes even 10 or less) so the larger your guest number, the less options you really have for your wedding day.

GUESTS

The biggest and most obvious difference between a wedding and elopement is guests. Typically a traditional wedding will have anywhere from 50-500 guests (sometimes more!) Where an elopement is typically 20 or less — anything above that requires some extra planning and structural elements more indicative of an intimate or micro wedding.

WHAT IS AN INTIMATE WEDDING?

Is there an in-between a wedding and elopement Option? YES, there is. An intimate wedding, also known as a micro wedding, or small wedding, can be a great option for those of you inspired by an elopement, but still want to have some of those traditional wedding day elements. Typically an intimate wedding has a guest list of between 30-70 people, anything above that is more restrictive and less intimate similar to a traditional wedding.

A small wedding like this still requires a similar level of planning akin to a traditional wedding, but with the freedom and choice you find in an elopement day. Being more selective on who’s going to be there can alleviate stress, family drama, keep costs down, keep the day focused on your commitment to each other and provides the ability to get married more places so you’re not stuck to just big venues and ballrooms.

You also get more time! Time to spend with your guests, time to spend one-on-one together, time to actually soak in and experience your day!

WHAT IS AN ADVENTURE WEDDING?

This is a newer wedding day term that’s becoming more and more popular as non-traditional weddings are becoming known and sought after. Before we dive in, let me ask you this, what does ‘adventure’ mean to you? Does it mean ice climbing on a glacier in Alaska? Or something like the two of you exploring a new National Park together? Or is it your Friday date night adventure to your favorite brewery? Did you know you can do ALL of these things (and more) on your wedding day?! To me, an adventure wedding really just means a wedding day focused on the two of you committing yourselves to each other on a grand adventure — YOUR ADVENTURE!

It means carving out some time in your day for your favorite activities to focus on doing what you love with your partner! Here are 7 wedding day activities to get you started planning some adventure into your wedding day!

WHAT IF I WANT BOTH AN ELOPEMENT AND A BIG WEDDING EXPERIENCE?

There are no rules saying you can’t have the best of both! You could opt for an intimate wedding (more info on that below), or you could plan two wedding day celebrations. The first day could be your ‘just us’ private vow ceremony and adventure, with the second day celebrating with family and friends.

Example of a 2-day experience in Alaska
How to plan a 2-day wedding experience

This can look a lot of different ways, I will outline just the top 3 ways I’ve seen this work well:

For an intimate wedding at a destination (other than home):

  • Day 1 get ready, have ceremony and reception with family

  • Day 2 (the next day) get ready, private vows, hike/activity, celebrate your newlywed-ness just the two of you

For a big wedding celebration at home and just us destination elopement

  • Day 1 get ready, private vows, hike/activity all day just the two of you

  • Day 2 big party back home with friends and family

For a big wedding celebration and private elopement-style vow renewal

  • Day 1 get ready, big ceremony and reception

  • Day 2 private vow renewal celebration, hike/activity, romantic celebration

As you can probably see, there are SO many different ways to get married nowadays. Whether you’re here to answer the question is eloping for me? Or to confirm your decision to go the traditional route. I’m stoked you’re here and hope this helped you make the decision for your wedding day experience!

Have any more questions or want help seeing what eloping could look like for you and your partner? Navigate over to our Contact Page and drop into our inbox — we are here to help with all things planning, logistics, dreaming, executing and photographing your elopement day experience!

 
 

More Elopement Stories + Planning Resources

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Cass | Wedding & Elopement Photographer

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